Saturday, 3 September 2016

Is There A Bride Gene? And Why Don't I Have it?

Is There A Bride Gene? And Why Don't I Have it?
I don't even like cake.  
I'm getting married in a few weeks and I'm displaying quite a serious lack of any kind of urgency to make the necessary arrangements.  This makes me think that I might be missing something that I see in other brides whose lives seem to revolve around their  big day.

I have already been married, so it's not that I haven't been down this road before.  I was married for a decade, but am now divorced.   Being divorced helps massively with the whole 'getting married again' thing, obviously, but it's also made me put my foot down this time.   

My first wedding was a Big Thing, but not of my choosing.  At the time (2004), I was a full time worker and part time student and had difficulty finding the time to do much.  However, even if this wasn't the case,  it's highly unlikely I'd have made any more effort than I did.

I am simply not a woman who is interested in weddings.  I couldn't care less about big meringue type dresses; favours; invitations and guest lists.  I honestly have no interest in any of it.  And don't even get me started on flowers and cakes.   Flowers die and cake gets eaten.  If I had my way, I wouldn't pay for either.  Bah humbug!

I am completely unable to comprehend Bridezillas.  I simply don't understand WHY anyone would spend months trailing round wedding fayres, building folders of idea (seriously??), looking at bands (both kinds), and visiting every single dress shop within a 100 mile radius, dragging their bridal party along with them of a weekend and actually thinking of this as 'fun'.   It's my idea of Hell.

Is There A Bride Gene? And Why Don't I Have it?
Just no.  
There's a huge part of this that relates to the fact that I'm an introvert.  I don't want to be the centre of attention and to have people tell me I look nice; I don't care.   I very much like blending into the background and, if I'm being honest, I'd rather not be there at all.   However, it's pretty hard to get married when you're not actually present.   I often wonder if Skype have considered the possibility of virtual ceremonies as  I'd be a prime candidate for this.  That way, I could stay in my jammas for the day and everyone else could do what they liked.  

I know that, for many women, they revel in having everyone focus on them and telling them how lovely their vows were and how gorgeous they look squeezed into some massive frock, but the mere thought of this makes my palms sweat and my anxiety spike.   I'd prefer it if you could just wander past me and go tell these things to my Mum.   It's not that I don't appreciate it; it just makes me nervous and it's not really my kind of thing.

I don't even really like getting dressed up because, oh the hassle.   Plus, it's all so bloody fake.   You have to pay for SO much for one single day, including money to feed the distant relatives you don't even know and the future father in law who doesn't like you anyway.   

Is There A Bride Gene? And Why Don't I Have it?
Beautiful...but SO much hassle. 
I am the girl who visited Debenhams wedding boutique, tried on a dress (plain, cream, no frills) and bought it.  My Mum and my ex-husband arranged everything else.   This included them choosing my flowers to suit the colour scheme they'd also chosen and all that...other stuff.    

The company that supplied my flowers made a point of telling my Mother that, in all the years they'd been catering for weddings, I was the only bride who hadn't been involved in choosing their own bouquet.   And I couldn't have cared less.   They were really pretty, though and I'm still proud to be out there in a league of my own.   The OMG They're Just Flowers! League.  

Now, it's not the wedding I'm against.   It's only the parade that comes with it, and is almost expected that you will partake in with a smile on your face.  Not this girl.  

The commitment part of the whole thing I had no issue with, and the same goes for the vows.   If you don't expect your wedding to last; don't get married.  It's that simple. 

As far as I'm concerned, your wedding day is the easiest day of your married life.  It's the subsequent weeks, months, years and (pretty please) decades that really count.  So, this time, I'm turning the tables.   I (along with LT) will do all the organising, which ensures that there will be minimum organisation required.  Bingo!   

Is There A Bride Gene? And Why Don't I Have it?
Sally doesn't like Emma, and Steph once called Auntie Mavis an old bag, so THEY can't all sit together..... 
We both had a big first wedding, which neither of were completely comfortable with.  This time; it's all about us - and only us.  We've had some interesting feedback on this, particularly from acquaintances who are horrified that we're leaving out our families.   This isn't what it's about.   Plus, my family is completely relaxed and lovely, so they just want me to be happy.   They're not going to get all pissy because I please myself this time round.  Plus, I'm 38 years old, so they hope I might know what I'm doing by now.  My family is just genuinely happy about the whole thing.  And for those that aren't?  Tough.

There will be no guests, no family, no drama, no meal, no cake, band, flowers or any of that other unnecessary stuffs.  There will be me, Les, a licence, a registrar and ceremony, and possibly, a couple of hastily procured witnesses.  And this sounds like my idea of Heaven.  As much as I love my family and friends, the only people that actually *need* to be present will be there.   

I tried to convince Les that is was essential that Doug the Pug be the ring bearer, but apparently it's anything BUT essential.   Might have to rethink the whole thing now, tbh.  

Anyway, although I am getting hitched soon, I have done very little.  We have flights, an idea of area and details of how much the licence fee is.   I only picked an engagement ring last week and I've been engaged for almost 7 months now.  This is how quickly I move. 

Luckily for me, my Mum has lots of experience of planning my weddings, so she's already sending me photos of suitable dresses.  I reckon she's worries that if she doesn't, I'll end up exchanging vows in my best onesie.   How well she knows me. 

So, as I sit here, writing this and consequently STILL not planning my upcoming nuptials, I genuinely think I was born without the bride gene.   And I'm not at all unhappy about that, tbh. 

Who wants to be a manic, wedding obsessed, crazy lady, anyway?


Suz x

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