Friday, 16 September 2016

Things That I Don't Understand


I often spend my days in a state of mild confusion but, unfortunately, that's just how I am.   However, there are a few things in life that I will *never * understand  and I decided that there are enough of them to write about.   What can I say, it's been a slow week:


Baby Weights:
Why do people insist on telling you how heavy their babies are?   Is there a reason for this or am I missing something?    I always nod my head and pretend that I’m at least a tiny bit interested, but I’m never fully aware of how I’m expected to act.  

Do I say ‘oooooh….we’ll he’s a chunky boy, isn’t he?’ or if the baby is premature and tiny, say ‘well, that was obviously an easy birth, then.  Bet you hardly even felt that!!'. 

I don’t have children, so I can’t give the generic response of ‘well, you know, my *insert most popular or weirdest name you can think of*  was 8lbs 10oz for the first five minutes of her life and then, would you believe it, she started to put on weight?!  She’s never been anywhere near 8lbs since!’.     

I *think* this is what people expect you to say, but I’m never entirely sure.   I’d quite like to respond by telling people how much my puppy weighed when he was born, but I believe new mothers can be a little bit touchy when you compare their children to a dog.   Personally,  I think they should be grateful because my dog’s a legend.

I understand that you would tell everyone the name of your baby, because that’s pretty important should you ever need to shout them in for dinner or, you know...talk to them.    I could even understand if parents told you, say, what colour their kid's hair or eyes were.   However, telling me your baby’s name and then following that up with how fat it is, is just downright weird.   

Things That I Don't Understand
Name, hair and eye colour are perfectly acceptable.   I don't care how fat they are.  

Why Women Insist On Telling You How Much Things Cost:
I had a conversation with a former colleague many years ago, which has always stuck with me.    He complimented me on something I was wearing and I instantly said something along the lines of ‘Thanks, it was a total bargain….it only cost me £20!’.   He instantly laughed and said he didn’t understand why women always did this.     

Obviously, I disagreed with this statement completely and then thought I’d best do some research.   And he was right.    The majority of the time, when I ask someone female; say my sisters, my mum, friends or colleagues, I am, first of all, thanked before being informed of how much said garment cost.     Now that I’m aware of it, it annoys me every single time I do it.   And I seem to do it a great deal.    

When Les notices (and he always does) that I have something on he’s never seen before, I always, always tell him how much it was.   However, I think I tend to do this because I've usually picked up some label for next to nothing  in my local charity shop and I’m quite proud of myself.  

What I’ve *never* done is worn a pair of Louboutins and, when told they were gorgeous (obvs), gone on to tell someone just how much I had to shell out on them.   This is probably because I’m worried that Les would overhear and start panicking that he might have to get me a pair for my next birthday.  

Things That I Don't Understand
'Yeah, I got the whole outfit for £15!...'

Why I Can’t Smile in Photographs:
I’m sure I can’t possibly be the only person in the world who detests getting my photo taken.    

When I'm forced into it, I tend to pull a stupid face, much to the continued annoyance of whoever was unlucky enough to be standing next to me at the time.   Les and I have lots of snaps together, which feature him looking all handsome and normal and me…well, it’s best not to try describing what I look like, but Stephen King would have a field day.  

It might be my inner introvert coming through, but I just do not want to have my photo taken.   On the odd occasion I do, I always hate how they turn out and I tend to avoid looking at them.   I love photos of scenery and I travel a lot, but I just don’t want to look at photos of myself looking like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards whilst the architecture of Madrid, say, looks fabulous in the background.  

A younger cousin of mine posted a pic of me on fb the other day and told me was the only one he had where I wasn’t pulling a face, so this is not a new thing I’ve taken up recently.  I’ve never liked having my photo taken, by all accounts.    I seem to be unable to pose normally.  

I often marvel at how good everyone else looks like in photos, but just can't seem to pull it off myself.   This is why I don't put my own photo on this blog.   I'm telling you, my selfies would keep you awake at night.   And not in a good way.

Things That I Don't Understand
Looks great on a duck.   Not so much on a human.
Trout Pouts:
On the subject of bad photographs, I am at a constant loss to understand the largely stupid faces that women seem to insist on pulling when they're having their photo taken.

I can only imagine that someone, at some point, said that a trout pout looked good.  Whoever this person is was very, very wrong.   I have no issues with selfies and I love seeing pics of friends and family on social media, but I just don't get the whole duck face thing.   It looks ridiculous.    

However, I'm clearly in the minority of people who think this as every time I see a photo, guaranteed at least one person, if not them all, are pulling a version of the same face.    

It doesn't make you look good - and it certainly doesn't make you look sexy; your own face is far better when your mouth isn't contorted into some awful shape.

I must try it one day, though.  Maybe it would be a slight improvement in the other faces I tend to pull in all my snaps.  Then again, probably not.     

What do you get confused by??

Suz x 

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